|March 2, 2005|
A Minor Setback for Pro-Death Conservatives
by The Angry Liberal
Well, friends, the battle for which of the political parties can claim the moral high ground is over. Yesterday, the world learned that 19 states were prepared to murder their own children in violation of the U.S. Constitution. And 16 of the 19 were red states.
Hey, we're not talking about abortion here. We don't have to get into a discussion about whether a single-celled critter attempting to implant itself in the womb of a barren woman should be able to sue its mother as of 10 seconds ago for unfair housing practices. I'm talking about the government-sponsored murder of people who can, for the most part, walk, talk, and are usually big enough to sit in the electric chair without a booster seat. The entire civilized world has pretty much renounced the practice of executing children. Prior to yesterday, the United States was one of eight nations that killed its own children. The remaining seven were Banlgadesh, Iran, Iraq, Nigeria, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and Yemen. Take a good look at our peer group, folks.
Thanks to a landmark Supreme Court ruling, however, the United States is being forced to bid a tearful farewell to the other seven mindless barbarian nations. It seems that strapping kids to gurneys and pumping drain cleaner into their veins, while political gold to conservatives, is unconstitutional. It has always been a moral disgrace, but it took the Big Nine to force the sinners-in-saints'-clothing crowd to dip a toe in the swimming pool of civilization.
The implications of this ruling are pretty interesting. First of all, 19 states allowed the execution of children. Can you guess which ones they were? Surely there wouldn't be any "Christian" states on the list, right? I mean, murder is one of the Bible's top 10 Thou Shalt Nots. Why would anybody who wanted to get into heaven allow the execution of minors to become law?
Well, to nobody's surprise, 16 of the 19 states that allowed the execution of children were red states: Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Nevada, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Utah, Texas and Virginia. Yep, it's a veritable who's who of the self-proclaimed saved states. Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, and Delaware were the only blue states in the Constitutional Hall of Shame. And with yesterday's Supreme Court ruling, we now know that these states were not able to follow the law of the land, let alone the law of God. They were a moral and legal disgrace, and therefore may be held in contempt equally in the eyes of the spiritual haves and have-nots.
How could the God-fearing states miss the fact that the Bible and the U.S. Constitution are in agreement that we shouldn't execute minors? Adults can't have sex with minors. They can't sell alcohol to minors. Heck, Blockbuster won't even rent movies to minors without their parents' consent. With this in mind, wouldn't the concept of state employees killing minors set off any alarms with these people? In addition, most of the states had reasonable access to the Constitution. Alabama even had the Ten Commandments smack-dab in the middle of their State Supreme Courthouse for a while. Apparently, Alabamians were so busy praying to stop the removal of the Ten Commandments from the courthouse that nobody actually stopped to read them. And what can I say about Texas? I'm guessing that folks in the surrounding states will get sent to hell when they die just in case some of Texas rubbed off on them.
The next question we must ponder is the following: Should the states that behaved unconstitutionally by sanctioning the killing of minors be punished? In most states, convicted murderers lose their right to vote. Perhaps these states who would murder their children should sit out an election or two until they prove they can work and play well with other states. Let's see the Republicans try to stay in power with the Ignorance Belt sitting in the electoral penalty box in 2008. There aren't enough Swift Boat Liars on the planet to make that happen.
In short, the U.S. Supreme Court gave us liberals a glimmer of hope today that the United States might one day become a moral nation. Children have joined the mentally retarded in the select group of Americans that is out of reach of the icy hand of conservative death mongers. But not to worry. Soon, American children will begin to die in larger numbers at the hands of negligent corporations, thanks to the recently passed lawsuit reform. And there's not much chance that the U.S. Constitution will apply to Big Business while the Republicans are in charge.
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