BuzzFlash Reviews
Beam Me Up, Jesus: A Heathen's Guide to the Rapture (Paperback)
Jim Gerard
BUZZFLASH REVIEWS
"If you're one who believes that religion, regardless of its intentions, is largely man made claptrap then this book is for you. The author serves up an absolutely hilarious dismemberment of the whole second coming, end of times, rapture mythology that is metastasizing through large parts of American culture. If you're a 'believer' on the other hand you will probably not be amused."
From Nation Books:
"From Nostradamus to the Watchtower, prophets and scribes have been getting the date of the Rapture wrong. But who can now deny that the portents of the Second Coming are finally here? From wars and rumors of war to famine, flood, and pestilence, from East Coast/West Coast hip-hop battles and the advent of So You Think You Can Dance, the prophecies of the Book of Revelation are finally coming to fruit. The bad news is that the Rapture has come and you've been Left Behind.
The good news is that you unbelievers, heathens, Satanists, French-kissing liberal Democrats and Christians who didn't read the Bible all the way to the end can still have one hell of a good time.
Beam Me Up, Jesus will help you navigate your way through born-again America. You'll discover tips on how to make sure you're not Left Behind, how to protect yourself against giant demonic locusts, how to handle coitus Rapturuptus--that embarrassing moment when your partner disappears right in the middle of intercourse--and what to do when you discover, well, Satan just isn't that into you."
If you are befuddled about what to pack for the "Rapture," this is the book for you. But first, you've got to get on the "Rapture List" -- and Jim Gerard offers some sound advice for that too.
"Think of God as a cosmic college-admissions officer, who wants to see evidence of exceptional ability and drive among prospective candidates. You've got to think of ways to distinguish yourself from the competition. Everybody's been born again. You be born again twice. Or even three times."
The author ponders the peculiar "jihads" of the fundamentalist celebrity leaders, such as their preoccupation with alleged "perversion" in Saturday morning cartoons.
"Why do these fundamentalist ministers watch so much Saturday morning TV? Shouldn't they be talkng to God? And why does he [James Dobson] want to ban cartoon characters? It's like he wants God to send SpongeBob to cartoon hell, where he'll spend the rest of eternity with Betty Boop and Fritz the Cat."
This is a fun satirical guide through End Times. You can read it in a sitting, or graze through it and touch down about anywhere.
Where else can you find "The Book of Revelation -- Reader's Digest Version"?
BUZZFLASH REVIEWS