BuzzFlash Reviews

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If you've taken a moment to listen to the Weekly Radio Address parody, you'll know that the creator and voice of the faux Bush truly knows his character. The quality, pacing and inflexion of the impersonation provides a sense of surreality only surpassed by Bush himself.

What makes the audio address consistently funny is the writing -- the flights of incoherence, the tangential mind swings, the verbal linguistics, and the tortured (one of Bush's favorite hobbies) logic that we've -- sadly -- gotten used to from a President not gifted with eloquence, class, or grace (or, really, much else beyond a giftedly wealthy family).

Scott Dikkers, the voice behind the WRA, knows Bush. He also knows comedy. As the editor-in-chief of The Onion, he is immersed in the flotsam and jetsam of daily news. Like its forefather in satire, National Lampoon, the Onion's writers have no sacred cows; everything is ripe for comment; irreverence is king. Sometimes, as they did on January 17, 2001, with this headline: "Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'," they even predict the future.

In Destined for Destiny, Dikkers joined with Peter Hilleren to "help" write Bush's "unauthorized autobiography" -- a description as impossible as Douglas Adam's five-book "trilogy" on hitchhiking the galaxy -- and lets the voice and comedy of WRA's George Walker Bush guide us on a satiric odyssey of the life of a man who will forever remain the epitome of "The Peter Principle."

Dikkers and Hilleren have a lot to work with, from Prescott's efforts to aid the Nazis in WWII to Bush's future presidential library. Add to that a running gag involving Jesus' personal involvement in Bush's every decision -- and the hilarious photo essay showing Jesus' involvement -- and this book will make you laugh out loud in quiet reading rooms and on crowded public transportation.

Even the chapter headings are funny, beginning with "Like 'Roots' Only White," a description of Bush's family history so absurd, one might truly expect the real Bush to say it.

In a way, the book is kind of cathartic, in that the utter nonsense that spews from this Bush's mind actually offers an answer -- a deluded, twisted reality of an answer, but one nonetheless -- to the question that haunts every sane human's mind: "How the hell did this guy get to be President of the United States?" So, buy the book for the funny, but read it for the therapy. If the last few years are any indication, you'll need it for the next few.

Below are some favorite excerpts:

On Barbara Bush:

"Apart from my mother, George H. W. Bush is the finest man I ever knew. My father met my mother at a debutante party when she was 30. He was immediately enchanted by her horse-like beauty, her forceful nature, and her immense stature."

On his stint in the Texas Air National Guard's "Champagne Unit":

"This celebrating was an important part of the war effort. If we did not let loose the steam in the bar with fellow airmen, the pressure might be too much in the simulator the next day. Our pretend bombs might miss their imaginary targets, which would spell disaster for the make-believe ground troops. And the countless enemy guerillas, who only existed in our fantasies, would overrun the villages of Alabama and terrorize the made-up local folks -- many of whom I had come to know as family."

On meeting Laura Bush:

"I was blessed with the good fortune of meeting a wonderful small-town Texas woman who had a dazed and clueless stare reminiscent of a goat that had been struck between the eyes with a tire iron -- a halting kind of beauty which every man desires in a woman."

"During our first dance, Laura looked at me with her empty red eyes, and reminded me of my promises to her. She whispered tenderly into my ear, 'I will eat your soul.' I smiled at her and said, 'You are my clown-faced zombie, now and forever.' And our covenant of love was sealed."

On his first presidential campaign:

"But the most powerful weapon in my campaign arsenal was a catchy and effective slogan. However, there was some disagreement as to what that slogan should be. Karl fought hard for 'conservative.' Jesus vied for 'compassionate.' The Easter Bunny insisted that I focus on 'colored eggs.' This last idea was seen as out of touch with my priorities, and the rabbit was soon asked to leave the campaign."

On the morning of September 11, 2001:

"I flipped through the book to see if there were any amusing drawings of this outrageous animal, and just as I was getting to the resolution of an important plot point, an aide leaned in to me and said, 'Sir, America is under attack,' sadly interrupting my reading. I reprimanded that aide and refused to speak to him or anyone for several minutes, preferring to sit there an stew. What happened to the goat at the end? We may never know."

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