August 25, 2005
Bush Playing Cards: The Second Term
There have been plenty of Bushevik decks of cards, and we have offered some of the best in the past. But this pack we found especially in step with the second period of Bush rule, it's "even more slanted to the right." What that means is that the cards and box they come in are actually printed leaning to the right, kind of like a parallelogram. Very clever, indeed.
But we decided to sell this deck of "Bush Cards: The Second Term" primarily because of the captions under each of the cards, which are laceratingly succinct.
Some of them are quotations that speak for themselves, such as Bush's (Ace of Spades) immortal words: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Ah, truer words were never spoken.
Then there's a brief description of Gale Norton (Queen of Spades): "The Department of Interior is in charge of caretaking over 500 million acres of public lands and national parks. When she was an attorney, Norton argued for weakening the Endangered Species Act and wrote about 'a right to pollute.'" Whoa, talk about putting a fox in charge of the chicken coop.
And then there's the Andrew Card (Jack of Spades), who spoke the truth, but no one took him seriously: "a former driver for Bush Sr. and chief lobbyist for GM ... spoke of rolling out the Iraq war plan as if he were selling a new car: 'From a marketing point of view, you don't introduce new products in August.'" Hey, Andrew, you should have gotten out of the White House and kicked the wheels of this war before you all started it!
And then there is three-time winner of the BuzzFlash.com GOP Hypocrite of the War, who we recently noted is in the middle stages of dementia, Donald Rumsfeld (Ace of Hearts), who said: "I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and well, I assume it is what I said." Okay, Donald, we're taking you on a nice vacation where you'll have your own private room with bars on the windows and lots of medication to keep you from doing any further harm to the world.
And there there's our beloved Condi (Queen of Hearts), who insisted on a recent trip to Iraq that, "this war came to us, not the other way around." Okay, stop snickering!
Just remember, because the cards are slanted, you'll have to lean to the right to make them appear even when you are playing gin rummy. But that won't keep you from laughing your head off at the ship of fools running this ship of state.
And just remember, whenever you're dealing with the Busheviks, it's a stacked deck!