Psst! Mr. Press Secretary!

by Tony Peyser

The White House paid Armstrong Williams
To hawk what they were sellin’
So, why can’t Democrats do this
With you, Mr. Scott McClellan?

I want you on our side so badly
My state of mind is criminal
I won’t do something illegal
(But maybe just subliminal.)

I know you think your President
Is wearing some kind of halo
But please consider my offer
(Many nude photos of J-Lo.)

I imagine you’re paid quite well
And Bush you don’t want to renounce
But I would keep an open mind
(A half-dozen Swiss bank accounts.)

I will not attempt bribe you
By buying you a Hummer
(Your own Malibu beach house
Where you can hang out this summer.)

I wouldn’t even think to scare you
By saying I knew John Gotti
(Jennifer Aniston told me
She thinks you’re a major hottie.)

Anyway, Scott, think this over
This plan will make you cheer, guy
I have your best interests at heart
(Your own makeover by “Queer Eye.”)

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Tony Peyser provides poems and weekly cartoons for The Santa Monica Mirror. He was also a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can contact Tony via email at tonypeyser@yahoo.com.

BuzzFlash Cartoons by Tony Peyser are © Tony Peyser.
Contact Tony for reprint permissions.

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