A Kerik Twofer

Kerik Withdraws Nomination

by Tony Peyser

There’s no need for us to believe
It’s really because of a nanny
That Rudy Giuliani’s pal
Got tossed out on his fanny.

The Bushies, one can imagine,
Were not exactly delighted
To learn Bernie's mentor, Lawrence Ray,
Is mobbed up and indicted.

(Ray’s successful pump-and-dump scam
Was run on the same logistics
That Tony Soprano once used on
A worthless stock called Webistics.)

Another conflict of interest
That couldn’t be ignored
Was a weapons maker where
Mr. Kerik is on the board.

At Homeland Security,
Kerik’s days are done
He shot himself in the foot
With his own Taser gun.

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Kerik Had Two Extramarital Liasons at the Same Time

by Tony Peyser

Not that anyone
Needed to ask
But doesn’t this prove
Bernie can multi-task?

His alleged nanny problem
Is a big “Who cares?”
This married guy embarked
On not one but two affairs.

One of the flings he had
This man with connections
Was with a woman at the
Department of Corrections.

And then with the daring,
Of Charles Dickens’ Fagin
He hooked up with media
Mogul Judith Regan.

She’s a publisher who never
Does anything generic
And one book she put out
Was by Mister Kerik.

This saga on Broadway would
Make money like a derrick
A show for a showman
Like David Merrick.

Bernie’s hygenist wife
Gets all hysteric
As he pours out his heart
To his local cleric.

To save his reputation
He’ll do whatever it takes
I see a production number
At his home in Franklin Lakes.

New revelations to come?
I’m thinking many more
Doesn’t anybody know
How to vet anymore?

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Tony Peyser provides poems and weekly cartoons for The Santa Monica Mirror. He was also a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can contact Tony via email at tonypeyser@yahoo.com.

BuzzFlash Cartoons by Tony Peyser are © Tony Peyser.
Contact Tony for reprint permissions.

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