The BuzzFlash Mailbag
August 9, 2002
A BuzzFlash Reader Letter to President Stupid:
George Bush the Second (appointed president of the USA, or third if you
count Rutherford B. Hayes)
Dear George the Second (or third),
Me and Lazlo heard you were headed off to vacation! We are both praying you don't get shark bit or West Nile Mosquito bit. Also my aunt taught me to not swim for at least one hour after eating, and since I have never drowned it might be worth thinking about it, especially considering your troubles past with things like pretzels. Of course I never had secret service guys around to heimlich me and hide the beer bottles from Laura, or in my case Aunt Doris. Anyway me and Lazlo will be busy on homeland defense while you are gone, so rest easy.
We also thought it was 'way cool' when you had that visit and photo op with the saved Pennsylvania miners, after all they work on/in the street where you live, so to speak. Lucky for you that nobody told those saved miners just how much you were cutting that wasteful old "mine safety" budget! Carl said it was sort of tacky for you to use that trip as a republican fund raiser to continue filling the coffers, but me and Lazlo informed him that fund raising was "job 1" and nothing should deter George the second (or third) from his appointed rounds. Lazlo even suggested that you substitute one of your miner photo-op pictures in the fund raiser flier for the one of you on the phone with Dick Cheney (or so they say) on 9-11 when Karen Hughes was acting president and you were retreating into the heartland. It might make you look more like a hero instead of a skulking coward, besides you could kind of claim that you were part of the rescue! This would be a little touchy since the real rescuers are those untrustworthy Union members that you do not want to associate with.
Speaking of Unions, me and Lazlo don't understand why you and Ashcroft just don't make membership in a Union a "tearist" act. If we cannot trust Union members to fly our planes, teach our children, build our roads, manufacture our cars and trucks, keep our water and sewer systems running, provide our medical care etc. just what good are they anyway? Just because someone has been a good citizen all of their life and has endured extensive screening and is hired in homeland security does not mean that they will not go bad if they have a choice to join a Union. We are with you on this, the number one threat to the good old U.S of A is not Al Qaeda, corrupt business CEO's, fundamentalist religion, man made environmental disaster, the AXIS of EVIL guys, or even illegal immigration; it is UNIONS, and maybe some democrats like Wellstone and Feingold. When you get back from vacation, maybe you could get Ari or Carl to write you a speech about Union "tearists."
There is some good news and some bad news concerning Lazlo's attempts to help you and Ashcroft in the "rat on your neighbor campaign." Lazlo got a job as a Dairy Dan driver (you know the good humor man) and he has been checking out several neighborhoods. Well the cops came again and accused him of B&E because they found seven computers in his basement that had been reported missing on his Dairy Dan route. He has explained to the cops that he needed to have them at his home so he could search the hard drives for any evidence of "tearist" activity, pornography, or Unionism. Unfortunately the cops tried to get Lazlo to show them how he could search a hard drive and Lazlo could not show them. We are now telling the cops we were going to store the computers until Lazlo learned how to use them. It didn't help that Lazlo had sold a few of them before he got caught, but this could be to finance our Ashcroft brown shirt cell. We could really use some help on this one, and after all Kenny Boy Lay did far worse and he is still free and really rich. It's not like we did impure stuff or showed naked statues. Let me know and the next time I visit Lazlo I can tell him "help is on the way" in the person of George the Second (or third) as soon as he is off of vacation. By the way, that was a really nice touch making a comment of the latest suicide bombing from the tee box on the eleventh hole. Let nothing deter you from your appointed rounds (of golf).
Farley and Lazlo
Your Mailbag is so educational! Yesterday I learned that Fox always said their news show was "fair and balanced." Well clean my ears, I always thought they'd been saying, "FAIRLY UNBALANCED". Silly me.
A BuzzFlash Reader
The below is Bob Barr's request to Congress to begin an Inquiry of Impeachment of President Clinton. It is very interesting to see how well crafted his request is, and I think we should all give it some serious consideration, maybe changing a name or circumstance here and there:
It's a great read, and has a very contemporary feel about it.
J P Thomas
Subj: George W = Dudley Dursley
Hey, this thought just crossed my mind: in spite of his endless list of idiocies & contempt for our democracy, the mainstream media & much of the country seems to look at Pres Junior as their little darling, aw isn't he cute, that 9/11 thingie wasn't his fault, etc., just as the Dursleys spoiled their little brat of a son Dudley in the Harry Potter books. Meanwhile, Bill Clinton (or at least his reputation) is locked in the cupboard under the stairs, feared & hated, blamed for everything, not unlike the treatment accorded Harry.
Well, I've read those books & I know who is the worthy person & who comes out on top in the end...
Subj: Guess what happened today in history?
That's from the Post, and the rest is a lot of whining and teary-eyed apologies for Nixon being a criminal.
If you're interested, another site gives a short chronology of what happened: http://www.chron.com/content/interactive/special/Watergate/chronology.html
And there is a heavy article from the Guardian here: http://www.guardiancentury.co.uk/1970-1979/Story/0,6051,106838,00.html
--------- Spin Resistance http://www.kelleykramer.blogspot.com/
I think it is hysterical that Faux news is so afraid of the website called "oreilly-sucks.com" that it had an attorney write a threatening letter to them. Either Bill is scared or Faux is scared or they woudn't have wasted the ink. Tell Mr. Stewert, of oreilly-sucks.com to keep up the good work! It sounds like Faux News sees him as competition.
Fascinating: almost as many protestors as guests--and a few hecklers managed to get in. It seems the bushites are ready to hang out ol' cheney to dry. No "first amendment zones" to give the guise of "everyone loves him"? Interesting...
They should if asked if ANY problems would exclude him from the ticket:
This morning's paper (Atlanta Journal/Constitution) has a letter which seems to me to be tantamount to encouraging and alerting Republicans that they should " crossover" and vote in the Democratic primary in order to defeat Rep. Cynthia McKinney! Why are they so afraid of this little woman?? Bob Barr is almost shot while handling a gun, but this doesn't make headlines in Atlanta. I wrote to the paper and indicated that it is obvious that there is some sort of vendetta against McKinney. I also told them that it is shameful that this story was printed as front page news. The editor of the paper is one of those persons who had to eat crow when it was revealed that McKinney was correct in her assertion that BUSH KNEW!!
Yesterday, I came across a topic that Pat Robertson was talking about. He was discussing the sexual exploitation that some Catholic priests had perpetrated upon children. He was talking with a woman and the conversation suddenly took a leap to where Robertson suddenly told his audience, "Vote Republican."
I think his implication may have been that Republicans are Protestant, and that voting for them may keep children and others safe. The Catholic church is not the only church to perpetrate sexual crimes. Make no mistake about it, personally I like the Baptist church and I believe in the message of salvation and I have accepted Christ as my savior and I know that it is Christ's death and resurrection and only Christ's death and resurrection that justifies me.
I know of several Baptists, including a person on the staff of a church, who slept around on his wife with his secretary for ten years. I also know of a churchgoing Baptist who sang in the choir with his wife and he would go out on the sly and meet women, telling them he was a widower. Some Assembly of God church goers are involved in sexual sin. There is a Republican I know who is a very vocal supporter of Bush. He goes to the Assembly of God church. He spent his adolescent years raping his much younger sister while his mother allowed it. His mother had been raped by her own grandfather, a Methodist churchgoer when she was a child of ten.
In short, I tell Pat Robertson that voting Republican can't fix the problem. I don't find a scripture in the bible that tells us to vote Republican. There is only a scripture in Romans 11 that says "There is none righteous, no not one" Romans 3:10 and that means that no Republican is righteous. " All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23. Of course, I will tell you that the only president I would trust around the children in my family is Jimmy Carter. "For every tree is known by his own fruit. ! For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes." Luke 6:44
I know Jimmy Carter by his fruit. I think Jimmy Carter has brought forth a lot of good fruit. Look at his life. Does that mean all Democrats are good? No, of course it does not, but don't give me that brainwash about perfect Republicans, ok? Which president would you trust around your children and grandchildren, Pat? Deep down. Who would you trust? Do you really think the Republicans have the answer or is it just that their monetary policies favor the rich? I think you are probably rich. Just asking. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that WHOSOEVER believeth in him would not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
God gave us his only begotten son. The bible never said he gave us the Republicans.
a fed up Christian
otherwise noted, all original