BuzzFlash presents P.M. Carpenter

Axis of Twits

by P.M. Carpenter

Contrary to the president's repeated claims that a blow against Saddam Hussein will be a blow against terrorism, the most recent Osama bin Laden audiotape confirms that a blow against Saddam will be a gift to al Qaeda, more valuable in propagandistic weight than U.S. airbases in Saudi Arabia.

Bin Laden -- the actual criminal of 9/11, quite independent of Iraq, yet about whom Bush has not spoken since the summer of 2002 -- virtually begs America to attack. He cunningly chums up to the Iraqi people and even finds common cause with their leader, whom Osama nevertheless still detests and denounces on the tape as a "communist" and "infidel."

By publicly pretending a link between al Qaeda and Saddam merely to grease the skids of aggression, Bush single-handedly has forged one. By engaging in a conspiracy of deceit to justify a preconceived military objective, he has heightened domestic, not to mention international, peril. The outcome likely will go down as the most staggering presidential blunder in American history -- and all the while it is Europeans, not the principal homeboy, who are most nervous, most alert to the bloody handwriting on the wall.

Therein lies the root cause of the break with our erstwhile NATO friends, France, Germany and Belgium. Because the first two have suffered the disastrous consequences of their own reckless blustering in the past, they are plenty leery of conspiring again. They're unwilling to play along with a needless, politically invented war in a region already bubbling over with hate and conflict, and their demonstrated lack of willingness has earned them little more than thoughtless tantrums and open outbursts from the gun-slinging White House. When this European axis of perplexity raises questions or articulates perfectly reasonable objections to U.S. policy, W's top statesmen issue the considered response, "And yo' mama." It's been a real show of maturity.

War Secretary and Chief Brat Donald Rumsfeld labeled the recent refusal of our very former allies to militarily plan for gung-ho Turkey's defense as "shameful," "inexcusable" and "disgraceful," and supreme diplomat Colin Powell added to America's tantrum with his own "inexcusable." Only the comparatively low-level U.S. ambassador to NATO, Nicholas Burns, confined his criticism of the old-European three to their having made a "most unfortunate decision." At least one of them attended a Dale Carnegie course.

Rumsfeld also expressed extreme dismay that France, Germany and Belgium "are in stark disagreement with the rest of their NATO allies," implying their difference of opinion with 16 others automatically brands them as some sort of international rogues. Rumsfeld's disapprobation was unusually peculiar, seeing how the United States singularly -- and proudly – has isolated itself in rebuffing the Kyoto climate treaty and international criminal court. It seems only W's America can be nobly persnickety.

Another unusually peculiar Rumsfeld line of attack against uncooperative European leaders was this: Sure, "if they pounded in" their opposition to war to their bodies politic often enough, then the latter, in time, is bound to agree. Left unreported was whether Donald winked or snickered thereafter, but he assuredly had to do one or the other, given that the Bush administration's sole talent lies in message-pounding.

The latest in White House message-pounding, of course, is that the bin Laden tape shows Osama and Saddam to be ideological brothers in arms and best buddies since way back. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but then again, that's s.o.r. in the course of W's p.r. The truth is that Osama is gunning for Saddam as eagerly as Bush, and when this desert rat calls you an "infidel," it's best for the family finances not to invest in 5-day deodorant pads. For now, bin Laden is only playing a chess game of convenience with Iraq's dictator -- and no one knows that better than the dictator himself.

In its quest to dupe the American public and sucker punch earnest allies, the Bush administration knows no shame. It has been willing to transform our one true intolerable enemy -- al Qaeda -- into two, and now three more, for political gain. From Europe to Eurasia to the Middle East to Southeast Asia the president is managing to unify the world -- against us. But when George W retires, or is retired, to a sterile life of clipping coupons, you and I will be left holding his sorry bag of international consequences.