Torture Island: A FOX Reality-Based TV Show Starring Congressional Leaders, With Your Host Alberto Gonzales
Note: This marks the nineteenth of 20 consecutive editorials BuzzFlash will be publishing through January 20th.
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL
The rules are quite simple. The majority and minority leaders of both houses and their whips (vote enforcers that is) are flown via a Halliburton helicopter to a remote island 90 miles south of Key West, Florida.They are administered various forms of torture that Alberto Gonzales has deemed acceptable, and the survivor gets free medical care at Walter Reed Medical Center in Maryland. After the recovery of the lone survivor, he gets to lead -- in a laudatory outpouring of praise -- the nominating speech for Alberto Gonzales as Attorney General of the United States of America, emphasizing what a growth experience torture has been for him, the survivor of Torture Island. Then there will be a minute of silence for the visitors to Torture Island who didn't survive, and Alberto Gonzales will be confirmed as America's Attorney General.
Think of the visuals and drama a show like that might offer:
- Tom DeLay, with a hood over his head, at the top of a pyramid of his Republican puppets in Congress, their genitals bouncing into each other as Tom leads cheers for Bush's inauguration and Dennis Hastert urinates on himself while trying to keep his side of the pyramid from collapsing.
- Or Roy Blount (GOP Minority Whip) being "waterboarded" until near or actual drowning. It's just like bobbing for apples, ain't it Alberto? And if Gonzales' military "associates" misjudge and Mr. Blount accidentally waterboards himself to death, they'll be a nice "runner-up" prize from Donald Rumsfeld awarded to his widow (his second wife, a lobbyist). Maybe it will be a barrel of apples, because it's all just so much fun defying the Geneva Convention.
- And since Newt Gingrich volunteered to come along for the free publicity for his new book, how about putting a hood over the thrice-married profligate's head, pinning electrodes to his body, making him stand on a crate, and cranking up the juice? Ah, Newt, it's all for American "justice," and we know you'll take it like a good sport, old chap.
- And then when Dennis Hastert is pulled out from under the mass of "cheerleading pyramid" bodies, maybe Alberto G. can have some "associates" sick some German Shepherds on him, in the spirit of fun, and take a chunk or two out of the portly gopher to give to the DeLay/Cheney/Bush/Rumsfeld/Scalia Cartel as a souvenir (they can put it next to Hussein's pistol). Hey, it beats Weight Watchers or a low-carb diet, doesn't it Denny?
- And did we forget cat torturer Bill Frist? Maybe he can get the boot and pipe treatment from Alberto G's "crew," and if he survives he can write it up as a scientific experiment, explaining how much physical pain and trauma the human body can take just before it ceases to function. That's if Frist survives. Many at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo apparently haven't. They left in body bags, not wheel chairs.
- Of course, let's not forget Senate Assistant Majority Leader, Mitch "Show Me the Money" McConnell. Would he complain after being gang raped by Iraqis hired for the television "moment"? After all, torture in the name of America is patriotic? Ain't it?*
Oh, we don't have the heart to tell you what Alberto G. would do to the Democrats at the orders of Dick Cheney. Let's just say, they wouldn't even make it through the first day of "Torture Island." Dick and Alberto G. would make sure of that.
Democrats who say that he will work for the American people as Attorney General and not the President are just lying to save face. No Attorney General has worked for anyone but the President who appointed them. Otherwise, they get fired. Gonzales will just move torture and fast track executions to a higher level of power -- and disgrace America's reputation as a civilized country in the process, not to mention thumb his nose at our Constitution. We will join the dishonor of nations like Chile and Argentina in the '70s. We already have.
The fact that we are about to have an Attorney General who has approved and condoned torture for even the most routine of detainees in Iraq, Guantanamo and Afghanistan -- not to mention through the process of "rendering" prisoners to other nations that routinely torture people -- and that this has not caused a national outcry is, simply, a national disgrace.
The reality of "Torture Island" is that it is a reality, they just use a different name. Already Alberto G. has approved the indefinite detention of Americans without the right to counsel. Torturing them is just the next incremental step.
We guess no one would have any compunction it seems about torturing to death Bill Frist if his name were Ahmed, would they? Even if he were innocent of any terrorism ties?
We guess that's the price to be paid for freedom in Bushworld.
But what is freedom if it's built upon an official policy of torture?
It's not freedom at all -- and it's not the America that was founded in 1776.
And yet, the vast majority of our Congress will praise the man who established "Torture Island."
The only question remains, will Alberto Gonzales get a check and residuals from FOX Television when they make it into a serial?
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL
Even the Washington Post knows that Alberto Gonzales is dangerous for the soldiers of America and for America's reputation in the world. The barbarians are not at the gate; they are in the administration, and one of the leaders is about to become Attorney General. "According to the logic of the attorney general nominee, federal authorities could deprive American citizens of sleep, isolate them in cold cells while bombarding them with unpleasant noises and interrogate them 20 hours a day while the prisoners were naked and hooded, all without violating the Constitution," wrote the Post, "Senators who vote to ratify Mr. Gonzales's nomination will bear the responsibility of ratifying such views as legitimate." And that's just for starters.
*These actions all occurred under Alberto Gonzalez's definition of torture, just not to white Republican Senators. Most of the prisoners at Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib have proven to be peripheral figures at best, of little or no intelligence value, and released or left to rot, in order not to embarrass the Bush Administration.