August 14, 2004
GOP Hypocrite of the Week: Alan Keyes
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL
Listen to the GOPHOTW HERE
Welcome back to the BuzzFlash.com GOP Hypocrite of the Week.
After weeks of Keystone Cops-like antics, the Illinois Republican Party finally found a candidate to run against rising star and the next United States Senator from Illinois, Barack Obama. The only problem for the Illinois GOP is the candidate that they put forward lives in Maryland, not Illinois.
Yes, Alan Keyes, that mosh-pitting, fiery orator on behalf of the anti-abortion extremists is the GOP U.S. Senate race standard bearer in Illinois, while he commutes from his home in Maryland, where he twice lost senate races. Oh, yes, and he twice lost efforts to gain the Republican nomination for President. And there are reports of a lien on his house in Maryland, which means he may be the first major Republican homeless candidate.
In 2000, here's what an indignant Alan Keyes had to say about Hillary Clinton running for the Senate in New York State: "I deeply resent the destruction of federalism represented by Hillary Clinton's willingness to go into a state she doesn't even live in and pretend to represent the people there," Keyes said. "So I certainly wouldn't imitate it."
When he announced his run against Obama, Keyes was asked by reporters about this blatant hypocrisy. He gamely countered that he wasn't a hypocrite because he was running on behalf … of God.
Besides the fact that most Republican elected officials appear -- by their actions and words -- to, in actuality, be running away from God, we, here on earth, believe hypocrisy is hypocrisy. And thus far, neither Alan Keyes nor George W. Bush nor Pat Robertson have offered us any proof that God is on "their side" or even talks to them.
We used to think that it was only guys on street corners with a brown paper bag and a half of bottle of ripple who really believed that God talked directly to them. Now, we've discovered that these poor fellows have moved into leadership roles in the Republican Party.
Keyes says that he doesn't need to know any facts about Illinois, because he is championing the issues of the Lord: keeping gays out of schools, putting guns in every pocket, and forcing women to bear children conceived by rape or incest.
Illinois Republican voters might be turned off by this kind of ideological extremism, but their party didn't give them much choice. After their main candidate, Jack Ryan, quit when his divorce papers revealed he forced his former wife to go to sex clubs against her will, and the popular, yet bibulous former Chicago Bears Coach Mike Ditka backed out when he didn't want to give up his lucrative contract pushing erection drugs, the party leaders ruled out or struck out with every other Illinois Republican. Which left them with a carpetbagging Keyes.
Keyes, who was born black, was heralded as a savior by the all-white suburban Republican crowd when he announced to them that he would accept their nomination.
While his chances of winning the Senatorial race are pretty slim, he can at least go home to Maryland knowing he won this week's slot as the GOPHOTW.
Until next week, remember our motto at BuzzFlash.com: So many Republican hypocrites, so little time.
Catch up with you soon.
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL