May 8, 2004
GOP Hypocrite of the Week: Donald Rumsfeld
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL
Listen to the GOPHOTW HERE.
Welcome back to the BuzzFlash.com GOP Hypocrite of the Week, where Donald "Let's Not Call It Torture" Rumsfeld makes a return appearance to our list as the 30th GOP Hypocrite.
The Bush Cartel message point of the week was that the photos of torture, abuse, and humiliation in Iraqi prisons were disgusting, but don't use the terms "torture," "abuse" and "humiliation" when referring to the torture, abuse and humiliation committed in Iraq.
That's what "The Donald" said at one of his increasingly ludicrous meetings with the press, where the media lets him get away with lies, stonewalling and obfuscations so blatant that they would make John Gotti blush -- and he's dead.
So Donald said that when we replaced Saddam's torturers with American mercenary torturers, it wasn't really torture, even though it was disgusting, but not in a torture kind of way.
Okay, Donald, here's the BuzzFlash deal. We get to put a hood over your head and tie you up to electrical cords and threaten to fry you, or how about we put you in a pile of nude men and force you to suck...well you know what we're talking about, or how about we bind you up, put you between two stretchers and sit on you, or how about we spend a lot of time exploring your cavities -- so to speak -- with nice comfy green latex gloves, or beat you up so badly you die?
And then we'll tell the world that you weren't tortured, but we'll let everyone know you thought it was "disgusting." How about that? Interested?
However, since we aren't the violent types, we'll hire the same mercenaries you hired for that ever-so important "plausible chain of command denial." What would a Donald Rumsfeld department be if it took responsibility for the torture and abuse that occurred in Iraq, Afghanistan and Gitmo? Yeah, we abhor violence, so we'll just use you as a "satisfied client reference" and employ one of your outsourced torturers for the job. What do you say to that? Your participation is purely voluntary. So, we can't proceed without your consent.
But don't hesitate to take us up on our offer: remember that it isn't torture we're talking about.
Since 9/11, Rumsfeld and the rest of the Bush Cartel have floated occasional trial balloon stories about how torture might be necessary to prevent another 9/11. They knew what they were doing. In fact, an Irish documentary filmmaker has proven that American forces were present when 3,000 prisoners were executed by Afghan allies, some buried alive, in the midst of the Afghan invasion.
And Rumsfeld says that he didn't even bother to read the Pentagon's report on torture and abuse allegations that have been floating around for months. Of course, call us knuckle heads, but we guess if you say you weren't curious enough to read a report about your troops torturing Iraqis, you can convince the press that you really didn't know what was going on. Just ask Condoleezza Rice, or Bush himself. That rock head hasn't read anything in years except the preschool-level scripts that Karl Rove hands him.
Which reminds us, Bush told Arab television that all this torture and abuse was un-American, but he still has full confidence in Donald Rumsfeld.
Maybe Bush thinks it takes one wily Defense Secretary not to let a good torture chamber like the Abu Ghraib prison go to waste. Maybe the next time Bush makes a "secret" media extravaganza trip to Baghdad, he should spend some time there naked and being dragged around on a leash by a U.S. soldier. Then he can decide if that's torture or not.
Frankly, bestowing the 30th GOP BuzzFlash Hypocrite of the Week on Rumsfeld seems hardly enough.
The man is a war criminal.
That's not some sort of extravagant, radical statement.
It's the truth.
Until next week, just remember our motto at BuzzFlash.com: So many Republican hypocrites, so little time.
Catch up with you soon.
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL
otherwise noted, all original