September 27, 2003
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL
Listen to the GOPHOTW HERE.
So many Republican hypocrites, so little time!
Thatís our motto at BuzzFlash.com. Thatís why we affectionately call the GOP the Grand Hypocrisy Party.
Letís face a fundamental truth here: Would any honest person become a Republican politician?
But that presents the problem. The abundance of prevaricators, knaves, cheats, liars and hypocrites in the Bush/Cheney Cartel really makes it difficult to pick one Hypocrite of the Week.
How, may you ask, can BuzzFlash manage to pick out just ONE Republican for the distinguished honor of being named -- drum roll please -- the BuzzFlash.com GOP Hypocrite of the Week?
Holy Ronald Reagan, we could pick a Republican ever second, if we had the time. That would be as easy as, well, finding flatulence in a chili bar.
So, pass the envelope, please!
Wait, thereís no name inside here, just a photo of a man with his head nestled between two melons -- and we donít mean the kind picked by migrant workers in the San Joaquin Valley. No, these are two melons of the female kind. And thereís another photo of the same man baring his weenie weenie for all the world to see.
Then thereís another of him groping a female British broadcaster -- and itís got a date from the year 2000 on it -- thatís groping from just three years ago! Fresh groping! And the article says he couldnít get his hands off two other English women while on a promotional tour for one of his movies.
Then thereís another article about how this guy had a long-term adulterous affair with a girl beginning when she was underage. Then thereís an interview in which he bragged about participating in a gang bang in his youth.
Maybe weíre supposed to know this guy. I mean, according to Republicans, a guy this seedy and morally compromised could only be a Democrat, right? So that should narrow it down. I mean, he even bragged about how much fun it was to smash a womanís head into a toilet on one of his films. Now, thatís not how godly, morally upright Republicans behave. Right? Is it?
But wait. BuzzFlash took a closer look and all the photos and articles in the winnerís envelop were of Governor Gang Bang himself, the Austrian exhibitionist and groper of women, Arnold Schwarzenegger!
Heck, an Internet gossip columnist just claimed that Governor Gang Bang was a regular model for the controversial photographer Robert Mapplethorpe -- he of the fist-up-the-butt photos that Jesse Helms wanted burned in a bonfire in front of the Capitol.
We donít know if Governor Gang Bang was photographed with any limbs inserted up his rear orifice, but if such photos exist, they surely would make a nice addition to his inaugural invitations, donít you think?
Now, donít get us wrong. If Arnie wants to get a fist shoved up his butt, thatís his business -- if that indeed has been the case. We donít know for sure. Only Schwarzenegger can clarify this mystery by requesting that all of the alleged Mapplethorpe photos of him be released to the media.
But we do object to the hypocrisy of Governor Gang Bang and his supporters arguing that Gov. Gang Bangís personal life has nothing to do with his ability to run the state of California.
And for all their talk of ďmoral relativism,Ē the Republicans donít give a figís leaf about someone elseís personal life, or his weenie weenie as it were. They just know how to carry out character assassination on Democrats while condoning kinky and harassing behavior among their own candidates.
Governor Gang Bang -- if Davis is recalled and the Groper is elected Governor -- knows that his payback to the Republican Party will be selling off the California public sector to private contractors who are Bush and Republican contributors. Just like we know is going on in Iraq right now. As long as Governor Gang Bang keeps signing the non-bid contracts for the like of Halliburton, he can continue groping away. The Republican Party wonít give a damn. And if he gets the urge to rub his head between a couple of non-marital melons, well, thatís his business, right?
Just ask Pat Robertson. Heís thrown his support and the support of God to Arnold. Which makes you wonder if God canít keep his hands off of women either.
From Governor Gang Bang right to God. We covered a lot of ground on this first edition of BuzzFlashís Republican Hypocrite of the Week.
Weíll be back next week. Until then, just remember: So many Republican hypocrites, so little time.
And is Buzz from BuzzFlash.com, buzzín off now. Catch up with you soon.
A BUZZFLASH EDITORIAL
otherwise noted, all original