December 17, 2005
The First Green President
by Will Durst
NBCs Brian WIlliams asked George Bush if the federal governments faltering response to Hurricane Katrina was due to racial indifference and for a half a second you could hear almost Dubyas vertebrae fuse together as he perceptibly grew about a quarter of a millimeter and his voice trembled and he snarled with a noticeable lack of tele prompting, You can call me anything you want, but do not call me a racist.
Which was not the point, but it is true. Its not fair to call the President of the United States a racist. This is not a man who gives the tiniest whit about black or white. This is a man who only cares about green. And whether or not you have any. In this country, if you're rich, you'll get taken care of. If you're not, you won't. Pretty much as simple as that.
He is neither an ageist or a sexist or a fascist or a typist. Or a homophobe. Or a xenophobe. Or a xylophone. Rather, he is a cashist. The First Green President, but the only whales he's saving are the Vegas kind. Tax cuts for the wealthy. Economic stimuli for the wealthy. Legislative amendments for the wealthy. Overseas incentives for the wealthy. Judicial appointments designed to nurture favorable decisions for the wealthy. Secret winking loopholes for the wealthy. Complimentary all you can eat seafood buffets with a pearl in every oyster for the wealthy. No bid contracts for his buddies. Who happen to be, say it with me now -- wealthy.
For the poor: you got your cuts. Winter heating subsidy cuts for the poor. Student aid cuts for the poor. Health cuts for the poor. Food stamp and nutritional cuts for the poor. Education cuts for the poor. Outlandish dress codes at State Dinners to further disenfranchise the poor. Outsourcing jobs to create more poor. With George Bush in charge, its a bull market for poor.
In other words, if you got money, just sit still and you will be showered with more. If you ain't got, he and his people will throw up plexiglass, guard dogs, razor wire, enough red tape to wrap a moose: whatever it takes to keep you from getting.
I know the theory on paper is trickle down. Rich people spend their money and it trickles down to the poor. But the theory on paper is crap. Rich people hang onto their money. That's how they got rich. You give us poor people money and we'll spend every damn penny we get our grubby little hands on. Why do you think we're poor? Blowing it on superfluous stuff like food and rent and medicine and gasoline. Silly profligate us. Besides, I'm tired of being trickled on.
So, let's be straight about this. Kanye West is dead wrong about the President. George Bush doesn't hate black people. George Bush doesn't hate poor people either. He just LOVES rich people. A whole lot. Like a fellow waiter back in Milwaukee used to say, it's not that I like the rich more than the poor, its just that they tip so much better.
Political comic Will Durst actually thinks poor people tip better. But the rich do order more expensive bottles of wine.
DONT FORGET! THE WILL & WILLIE SHOW. STARTING JANUARY 2ND. MON- FRI. 7- 10 AM. 960. THE QUAKE.
AND, THE BIG FAT YEAR END KISS OFF COMEDY SHOW. DECEMBER 26TH THROUGH THE 31ST. WILL DURST, JIM SHORT, DEB & MIKE, STEVE KRAVITZ AND ARTHUR GAUS. WILLDURST.COM FOR DETAILS.
* * *
Will Durst is America's premier political comedian. He writes "comedy for people who read, or know someone who does." For more on Will, visit his web site.