November 21, 2005
Son of the Scoundrel: The Sequel
by Will Durst
Oh no you did 'ent. Don't you tell me that you did. Not again. Because only a gutless swine would trot out that weak tired line of crap. Again. Dividing America. Again. You didn't really say it, did you? That anyone who criticizes you is endangering the troops? Not again! Can I just ask, where the hell do you get the cajones, after everything we've gone through the last three years, to let that pathetic argument ooze out of your pie hole one more time? Must come from your mother's side.
Please tell me I'm wrong. Please tell me you did 'ent give a speech on VETERANS DAY accusing your critics of being the ones who are dividing this country. That all that is necessary to comfort the enemy is to possess the temerity to question your bogus transparent motives for going to war against a nation with absolutely NO CONNECTION to 911. A war you have since claimed to have gotten the permission of God to execute. You know something? You got a mean God. Probably likes giving spina bifida to babies.
And don't tell me either that you made this declaration while employing members of our armed forces as a backdrop to give you the cover of credibility. Hiding behind the very people you put in harm's way. Again. I take it back. To call you a gutless swine is to disparage the contribution that male pigs with empty intestinal cavities have given to this great country of ours. Spineless jellyfish is more like it. Something to be scraped off the bottom of a shoe.
Yeah, sure, fine. Lots of people agreed that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction in 2002. Teddy Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Saddam's neighbors, France, Denmark, your wife. Lots of people. Who cares? They were wrong too. What difference does that make? Since its been proved beyond a reasonable doubt (which excludes Limbaugh and Hannity) that your administration jobbed the figures these people were able to review. For crum's sake, I KNEW Saddam didn't have any WMD. Why? Because he didn't use them.
"Then why did he claim to have them?" Who the hell knows? I work in bars. And you know what I see all the time? People taking swings at cops. All the time. Why the hell would they do that? The best case scenario of swinging at a cop is you miss while his head is turned and he doesn't see it. Makes no sense at all. And yet it happens all the time.
You also claimed Saddam had a mess of mushroom clouds waiting for us, 45 minutes away. No he did 'ent. You can't tell a bunch of people lies, have them repeat what you told them and then claim that you were influenced by the people you convinced. Besides, you have never listened to a single word Ted Kennedy has said in his entire life. Why would you start now. What are you going to pull out of your butt next: his brother's Domino Theory?
Sir, you are a failure of monumental proportions. A blanched husk of an empty shell. If they had an opposite of Mount Rushmore, your face and Milton Fillmore's would anchor it with whichever Harrison gave the three hour speech in the rain, caught pneumonia and died. And I just wish someone would be willing to take a bullet for this country and commit fellatio on you so we could impeach your lying ass.
Even before he went, political comic Will Durst knew that Brazil is a big country.
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Will Durst is America's premier political comedian. He writes "comedy for people who read, or know someone who does." For more on Will, visit his web site.