August 23, 2002
The
New Miranda Rights
(As
revised in light of the events of 09/11/2001)
by Lloyd Godsey
Miranda Rights
1. You have the right to remain silent.
(Until such time as you can be removed from US territory and placed in a country where torture is still legal and taught from C.I.A. approved training materials.)
If you give up the right to remain silent
(...there will be no one there except government (CIA) interrogator to hear you scream as they apply questioning methods that would make Hitler, Torquemada, Ghengis Khan or Satan lose his lunch and flee in terror.)
2. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
(Along with anything you might have said in the past, you might say in the future or anything that you may think in the future, regardless of whether there is actually any merit to the charges or whether you were simply charged for the crime of refusal to submit to the whims of a petty dictator, believing in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights or because you parked in the wrong place.)
3. You have the right to talk to an attorney before answering any questions.
(Of course until such time as you answer all questions we will refuse to charge you with a crime thereby removing your right to a lawyer.)
4. You have the right to have your attorney present during the questioning.
(Unless King Bush, Grand Inquisitor Ashcroft, or any of their minions in the Ministry of ThoughtCrime, Department of PreCrime or the Office of Fatherland Security think that you may pass sensitive information to aforementioned lawyer, such as how many hours you were subjected to being grilled about how much money you donated to such terrorist organizations as Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, the Democratic National Congress and/or any other organization that refuses to recognize the divinity of George the 1st and/or the rights of the current administration, their families, their corporate backers and their families, and their golf buddies and their families, to be above the law.)
5. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you without cost, before or during questioning, if you desire.
(Of course the judge at your tribunal will inform your lawyer exactly how much defense you are allowed and that excessive displays of constitutional knowledge are prohibited and will be persecuted to the fullest extent of the soon-to-be amended laws.)
6. Do you understand your lack of rights under the current administration?
(And don't you wish you had spoken out against the slide into tyranny while it was still legal to do so?)
I have read or have had read to me the above explanation of my lack of constitutional rights and I understand that those rights were removed at the whim of a group of warmongers, religious fanatics, and sycophants.
________________________________________
Suspects
signature
(Organ donors sign here.)
Understanding my lack of constitutional rights I have decided not to protest the lack of these rights at this time. Any statements made by me are made freely, voluntarily, and without threats or promises of any kind.
(Other than the usual threats of being locked in solitary confinement for an unspecified length of time and/or labeled as a "unlawful combatant," "terrorist," "child molester," or "free thinker" and placed in the general prison population to be shanked in the back, thereby saving the state the expense of a trial and the embarrassing question of "What crime was this person arrested and jailed for?")
| ________________________________________ Suspects signature |
________________________________________ Interrogator's signature |
| (Acting
in the name of John Ashcroft, the right hand of god.) |
(To be digitally reproduced at a later date on a full confession after summary execution and harvesting of bodily organs.) |
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