A BuzzFlash Reader Contribution

CONTRIBUTOR ARCHIVES  

Dear George Bush, from Osama bin Laden (Satire)

A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION
by Big Dave from Queens

Dear George W Bush:

Your family and mine have been business partners for almost thirty years and share a passion for ridding the world of "communists" defined of course as any person who disagrees with a Muslim fundamentalist or Christian Conservative more than ten percent of the time. Praise be Allah. Praise be Jesus. To hell with Michael Schiavo, the ACLU, those left-wing Democrats, and the abortionists. Damn liberals.

For months I warned you in advance of a pending attack on your homeland. I understand you were even briefed about those warnings (see your August 6th PDB). Fortunately for both of us, those attacks on your most liberal cities were successful. Reading My Pet Goat was so brilliant. Bet you half of the Fox News audience thinks the non-existent WMDs are hiding in that Goat.

I understood that you had to go into Afghanistan to make it appear to your citizens that you were coming after me. So while you've killed or captured the number 3 man in my organization at least 200 times, I thank you for allowing me to escape Tora Bora and remain free to roam the mountains here on the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan. And with your friends controlling the media and one of my financiers owning more than 5% of Fox News, my name is still Osama Bin Forgotten.

You see George I am trying to recruit members to join Al Qaeda. I want to turn moderate Arab nations into fundamentalist hotbeds and get rid of all secular governments in the Middle East. I wanted all American air bases off Saudi land and moved elsewhere. By invading Iraq, I thank you.

Saddam Hussein was my harshest enemy in the Middle East and Saddam refused to allow me or my lieutenant Zarqawi to operate in the Sunni Triangle or the Shiite South. Iran has the potential to go Western and this must not happen. With Saddam removed from power in Iraq, I “running and hiding,” nuclear Iran controlled by mullahs aligned with a Shiite-dominated Iraq, and all of Europe and Asia united against you, my dream of a greater Islamic state throughout the Middle East is almost a reality. Please continue to lay low as Iran builds those nukes. Since you don’t have any credibility left, my mullahs in Iran can wipe Israel off the map and you can have your born again Armageddon.

So George I want to thank you for doing everything on my dream list and even for allowing my Saudi family construction cartel to share in the profits of "reconstructing Iraq" with Halliburton and other US corporations. The invasion of Iraq has been a huge success as you've aligned Iran with me and weakened America so dramatically that my Saudis and China own more of your debt. George you've helped recruiting immensely, destroyed your own economy for twenty years to come, and helped kill almost 2200 staff pukes. (Our fellow conservative Rush Limbaugh uses that term to describe US soldiers.)

After September 11th I was deemed the world's most evil man. Thank you for taking my place at the top. Praise be Allah. Praise be Jesus. Both of our dreams are being realized, a world with constant violence, strife, and a clash between our versions of the two major religions. George, as a fellow religious fundamentalist who knows exactly what God thinks and wants, I am somewhat concerned about your image in the world. Because of you, every democracy in Europe and South America has turned dramatically to the left. But with the grace of Allah and Jesus perhaps we can eliminate these liberals altogether.

Sincerely,

"Osama Bin Laden"

Big Dave from Queens
Queens, NY

A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION