BuzzFlash Guest Contribution

February 10, 2005

CONTRIBUTOR ARCHIVES  

Baring Breasts Okay, Showing Boxers Not Okay

New Law Would Make Grumpy White Conservatives Smile

A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION
by Dr. Teresa Whitehurst

Carry me back to old Virginny,
There let me live 'till I wither and decay,
Long by the old Dismal Swamp have I wandered,
There's where this old darke'ys life will pass away.
Massa and missis have long gone before me…
Official Song of the State of Virginia

Ah, Virginia. When you hear the word, you might imagine lovely Colonial Williamsburg, the Chrysler Museum, the stately buildings of old Richmond, the salty shores of Virginia Beach, or the breathtaking Blue Ridge Mountains.

But such thoughts are overshadowed these days by images of warped priorities, emboldened racism and Puritanical idiocy that know no bounds. Welcome to Old Virginny. In "The Whole Underwear Thing Attracts Global Laughs", Kerry Dougherty writes:

"In case you missed it, Virginia’s House of Delegates proved once again that there is no problem so small that it can’t be attacked with a new law. In that spirit, delegates voted to advance a bill designed to spare us the shock of underwear peeking out of too-big trousers. Only the Senate can save us now. Styled HB1981, this is supposed to address public indecency.

"Any person who, while in a public place, intentionally wears and displays his below-waist undergarments , intended to cover a person’s intimate parts, in a lewd or indecent manner, shall be subject to a civil penalty of no more than $50…
"This wacky measure comes to us courtesy of Algie T. Howell Jr., a Norfolk Democrat. According to a story in Sunday’s Pilot, the delegate – who owns a barbershop – is merely responding to the concerns of his customers.

‘"Some people think it’s trivial," he said. "But the people I’m hearing from think it’s serious."

Oh absolutely. This is the most serious problem that’s facing America today, right next to gay marriage, feminism, uncensored science classes and court buildings lacking a 10 Commandments monument. Whenever I go to a Virginia mall, I do indeed see black boys wearing low-riding pants that show the tops of their boxers and oh! I get the vapors.

White ladies like myself must be protected from the boxers of black youth. When I see those frightful Fruit of the Looms, I can feel America’s moral fiber turning to mush. It’s all I can do to stagger towards the escalator so I can restore my soul at Victoria’s Secret, where Virginia’s upstanding moral values and unimpeachable decency are always on display.

Some people think this new law smacks of racism, but don’t worry—that’s impossible because Mr. Howell is black. I really don’t doubt that he’s sincere. He’s 67 years old, owns a barbershop, and hears complaints from older men both black and white about "the youth of today".

Conservative Compassion Now Aimed at Black Boys

However, I do wonder why this black representative is focusing on issues like underwear and "leaning back in cars" that target black boys. How many black or white teens in the economically depressed regions of Virginia could pay the $50 fine Mr. Howell proposes? For the many who can’t, will they be housed in the nearest jail, thus giving the morally righteous public a reprieve from their unsightly presence?

Why isn’t Mr. Howell focusing on issues like Virginia’s high black unemployment rate, the sinfully low minimum wage that most black teens earn, and the lack of health insurance that causes so many black Virginians to suffer unnecessarily and die young?

I suppose we shouldn’t ask such impertinent questions. After all, how can access to medical care possibly compare to the importance of droopy pants, visible underwear or leaning back in cars?

We certainly can’t assume that Mr. Howell might have been influenced, subtly or overtly, by the overwhelmingly white male conservative House of Delegates, men who coexist uncomfortably with large black populations and complain to people like me that blacks "ruin" trips to the mall, are busy destroying our moral values, continually infect us with their, ahem, "culture, are responsible for Virginia’s crime rate, must be controlled, etc.

We surely can’t suspect that once again, and again and again, conservative white men are finding many uses for highly visible blacks willing to do their bidding.

If HB1981 passes the Senate, Bush’s conservative compassion will have struck another blow for white American pride, and black boys will be on the run. The white conservative men in my acquaintance will be tickled pink.

Mr. Howell said, "the people I’m hearing from think it’s serious." Maybe he needs to hear from people who think it’s ridiculous. Why not drop him a line or give him a call to tell him that there are far better ways to represent the people—black AND white, rich AND poor, young AND old—in his district.

A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION

Dr. Teresa Whitehurst is a clinical psychologist, author of Jesus on Parenting: 10 Essential Principles That Will Transform Your Family (2004) and coauthor of The Nonviolent Christian Parent (2004). She writes the column, "Democracy, Faith and Values: Because You Shouldn’t Have to Choose Just One," as seen on her website.