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President Bush Visits Canada

A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION
by Robert M. Gowe

President Bush arrived in Canada today for his first visit. His first comment to Prime Minister Paul Martin: "So this is where all that cold Canadian air comes from - why, if it got this cold at the ranch the cow chips would freeze."

This is a historic meeting, and the president won’t be tripped up by any trick questions, like "where exactly is Ottawa," or, "what’s your current plan for world domination," or, "when will the invasion start?" as he will be kept far away from any possible negativity, like real citizens with legitimate protests, or those pesky MPs in the House of Commons.

Breaking with tradition, President Bush won’t address the House as his handlers are afraid Carolyn Parrish may have distributed Bush bobble-head dolls to all the MPs, and there’s no telling what they might do with them.

Any press conferences will be handled just like the one held jointly with President Uribe of Colombia last week - Bush will respond to pre-scripted questions from the toady press corps that travels with him, and will quickly end the press conference if someone asks a question with even a sniff of controversy. In any case, as usual, he will not actually answer any of the questions he is asked.

However, Mr. Bush and Mr. Martin will hold open and frank discussions regarding many important subjects. Mr. Bush is particularly interested in what Mr. Martin would "take for that place out west, Albertie, that has all them reseurses we need?" Mr. Martin is expected to respectfully suggest that Alberta, despite being rather like a recalcitrant child, is not for sale (at this time).

Another topic of discussion will be Iraq. The president is on a mission to get international assistance with the burgeoning problem he created. Canada is expected to belly up to the bar and offer several troops to train the Iraqis, but only if the training is accomplished in Dubai at the golf course that Tiger Woods plays, and not during sandstorm season.

Today’s agenda will finish with a dinner of Canadian beef, which President Bush will enjoy after seven people have taste-tested his portion over a period of several hours. After expressing a desire to "meet Canada’s queen tomorrow, you know, the one on the funny money," Mr. Bush will retire for the night.

Thank God.

A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION

Copyright © 2004 by Robert M. Gowe