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The Cash-N-Carry Quiz

A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION
by Patrick Clark

Remember back in the Nineties when we were constantly reminded how wasteful professional politicians from the Democratic Party were ruining America? Remember how we were told that all we needed were honest, competent, patriotic businessmen to get the country back on track and save us from endless debt? Take the following quiz to see if you’re aware of just how far some Republicans keep their money from their mouths.

1. In the 2000 campaign, Dick Cheney claimed that he had been out in the private sector "creating jobs" at Halliburton, neglecting to mention that he’d actually laid off 10,000 employees. What else transpired on this lion of capitalism’s watch?

a) $70 million of illegal trade with Saddam.

b) $2.3 billion in tax-payer funded government contracts. Yea, free market!

c) $100 million in "aggressive accounting" fraudulent claims.

d) a, b, c and a $70 million personal golden parachute.

2. When Richard Clarke released his startling book "Against All Enemies," one fellow scribe announced, "I am troubled that someone would sell a book, trading on their service as a government insider with access to our nation's most valuable intelligence, in order to profit from the suffering that this nation endured on September 11, 2001." Was it:

a) Bob Woodward, author of "Bush at War".

b) Colin Powell, author of " My American Journey".

c) Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, author of "When Every Moment Counts: What You Need to Know About Bioterrorism from the Senate's Only Doctor".

d) Eric Carle, author of the imperialism how-to, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar".

3. Former Secretary of State James A. Baker and his law firm Baker-Botts have always supported big business and the Bush family. Besides specializing in White Collar Criminal Defense and representing Bush in the Florida No-Count, what other civic-minded chores has this Bush regular pursued? Did he:

a) Watch 9-11 occur from the Washington Ritz-Carlton with Bin Laden relatives.

b) Serve as Special Counsel to the Carlyle Group.

c) Defend the Saudi royal family against a lawsuit brought by the 9-11 families.

d) a, b and c.

4. Kim Chong-il owes at least some part of his nuclear arsenal to one profit-minded patriot who sold $200 million worth of nuclear reactors to North Korea in 1998. Was it:

a) Wacko Investor George Soros.

b) Gun Prophet Charlton Heston.

c) Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

d) Plutonium-tongued Pundit Al Franken.

5. Unlike Martha Stewart, when George W. Bush sold off his failing stock in Harken Energy, it was with insider knowledge he gained while personally sitting in board meetings. When his father’s Security and Exchange Commission called off what seemed like cut-and-dried case, what was included in the investigator’s concluding remarks?

a) "Well, at least it ain’t Silverado."

b) "Male cheerleaders don’t do well in the big house."

c) "It’s not like he’s gonna sober up and steal the White House".

d) "The investigation has been terminated as to the conduct of Mr. Bush, and ... must in no way be construed as indicating that the party has been exonerated."

6. What prominent politico confused the hypocritical with the Hippocratic when pushing for legislation that would save his Medicare-cheating family business hundreds of millions of dollars in fines?

a) Mad Medico Howard Dean.

b) Socialized Medicine Obsessive Dennis Kucinich.

c) Senate Majority Leader Bill "Cat-killer" Frist.

d) Cuddly humanist and House Speaker Tom DeLay.

7. As the White House finalized its pre-emptive war on Iraq, Deputy Defense Secretary and pocket protector Rambo Paul Wolfowitz assured the nation that the war with Iraq would virtually pay for itself. By low-balling the cost of "Dubya’s Big Baghdad Adventure" at fifty billion, how badly did Deputy Dawgowitz miss the paper?

a) By chump change.

b) By sixty million and counting.

c) By sixty billion and counting.

d) Whoa! You mean in dollars?

Answers: When it comes to profiteering, there’s nothing like the Republican red, white and blue (That’s red for the deficit, white for their collars and blue for their blood.):

1.d 2.c 3.d 4.c 5.d 6.c 7.c

If you broke even, you’re a victim of the liberal media. If you couldn’t remember any of the answers, you’re a Pioneer. If you find this quiz shocking -- shocking, I say -- you may have your own set of keys to the family bunker in Kennebunkport.

A Patrick Clark Fiasco

A BUZZFLASH READER CONTRIBUTION