Support BuzzFlash Get a copy of click image BuzzFlash Content Interviews P.M. Carpenter Maureen Farrell World Media Watch Barbara's Daily Buzz Eric Harrison Thomas Burns Steven C. Day The Angry Liberal Southern Style Editorials Contributors Mailbag Perspectives Analysis News Alerts Link Archives Search About FAQ

Portlander Forms Anti-Terror, Anti-Almanac Group, To Turn in Books to FBI

A BUZZFLASH READER SATIRE
by Eric Berg

Press Advisory. For Immediate Release.

Dec. 30, 2003

Portland resident Eric Berg announces the formation of Americans Against Terror and Knowledge (ATTK) in response to a Federal Bureau of Investigation bulletin issued to law enforcement agencies Dec. 24, which says terrorists, may use almanacs "to assist with target selection and pre-operational planning." Berg will start his anti–terror, anti-knowledge campaign at 10 a.m., Jan. 2, 2004 in front of local FBI offices, 1500 SW First Ave., Portland, Ore. Berg will voluntarily turn in all his almanacs to the FBI.

"Last night, I was browsing through the Time Almanac 2004 with Information Please while watching South Park," Berg added. "It was the first time I had a chance to pick it up since I took it out of my stocking Christmas morning. I had no idea I was aiding al Qaeda and other terrorist groups. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

"I've received almanacs for Christmas for at least 20 years and I've kept all of them," Berg said. "Some friends of mine call me the Man of Knowledge. I hope the simple act of giving up my books inspires others to do the same.

"At present, ATTK is just me," Berg said. "But I'm sure others who are against terror and knowledge will join me. Never underestimate the resolve of the American people.

Berg said he hopes to see ATTK chapters throughout the country.

Removing almanacs from schools, libraries and other public buildings and pressuring retailers to stop the sale of almanacs should be ATTK's top priorities.

"The first thing Congress should do when it reconvenes after the Christmas recess is gather all the almanacs in the Capitol, congressional office buildings and the Library of Congress, then hold an almanac-burning on the Capitol Mall," Berg said. "Imagine if the White House and Justice Department joined them. What a bipartisan statement that would be.

A BUZZFLASH READER SATIRE