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Faux News Transcripts from Tuesday Night's Debate

A BUZZFLASH READER SATIRE
by Cybersatirist Bob Hirschfeld

Tony Snow: Well that concludes the Democrat presidential debate sponsored by the Congressional Black Caucus and Fox news, your source for fair and balanced news, not to be confused with an irrational book by an evil-doer who shamelessly exploits that phrase for his own profit. Joining us is our own Fred Barnes. Fred, what did you think of this debate?

Barnes: Tonight the Democrat candidates spoke of an America suffering economic hardship, a growing chasm between the rich and poor, a record deficit that will choke off essential government programs, millions of people unable to afford healthcare and a quagmire in Iraq that will commit us to years of further casualties, hundreds of billions of dollars and not necessary make us any safer from terrorism. Well, I don’t know what America these Democrats are living in but that’s certainly not the America that I and Fox viewers know. This just shows how much they despise our great conservative country.

Snow: Sean Hannity what were your impressions of this debate?

Hannity: The candidates spent most of their time attacking George Bush. Just how unpatriotic, treasonous and disrespectful of the office of the president are these heathens? We certainly never attacked Bill Clinton when he was president. The way they impugn our great leader George Bush aids and abets our enemies to such an extent, it makes you wonder if they’re considering Osama Bin Laden or Saddam Hussein as potential running mates.

Snow: Let’s bring Dick Morris into the picture to go toe to toe with our other commentators. Oops, sorry I just put my foot in my mouth with that, although at least it wasn’t in yours Dick. So, do any of these midgets have a snowball’s chance against the greatest president history as ever witnessed?

Morris: Of course not. All these weasels can do is show their hatred for Bush because frankly they’re jealous that he’s right on the issues. For example, remember how the Democrats whined that the war with Iraq was all about getting their oil? Bush proved them wrong. We probably won’t see more than few drops of crude coming out of that country for years because their oil industry is in such ruins. That’s why U.S. taxpayers will be funding the reconstruction of Iraq since they can't possibly pay for it. See, it had nothing to do with oil and that’s why the Democrats are so angry with Bush because they were wrong.

Snow: We asked Alan Colmes to provide the liberal’s perspective on this debate but I just received word he hasn’t returned from the cleaners with Roger Ailes’ dinner jacket and unfortunately we’ve run out of time. Stay with Fox as we will continue to cover upcoming Democrat debates so that Fox viewers get so pissed off at the Democrats, it will increase our turnout at the polls.

A BUZZFLASH READER SATIRE