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Dennis
Miller Joins Bush’s Election Campaign.
A Satire Based on the Truth.
A
BUZZFLASH READER SATIRE
by
Osama Bin Hiding
NEW YORK CITY, (BUZZFLASH NEWS NETWORK) –Comedian Dennis Miller, whose career began on ‘Saturday Night Live’, joined the Bush team today to help them raise “even more money”. Since the days when he actually was funny as the “News Anchor” on ‘Saturday Night Live’ Dennis’s career has gone down hill. He tried and failed as a football announcer for ABC and he hosted a late night comedy show on HBO until it was canceled.
According to inside sources, The White House wanted to hire Miller as a member of their marketing team “as soon as they saw him on ABC football." Ari stated “here’s Miller, on ABC football, the guy never played football, never coached football, and really doesn’t know anything about football; yet he acts like he’s in charge” Ari continued “I don’t have to draw you a picture before you see the connection do I?”
Karl Rove stated that Miller, who is paid to join the Bush traveling road show “between drinking binges”, will be a “big asset to our marketing effort.” Rove continued “Dennis is a professional, and like all the staff here at the White House Dennis is a 100% third rate professional."
The Bush White House, which “never cared much for policy” has officially announced that all the staff will work full time on “marketing and consolidating power." Rove states that Miller is just one of “many more spokes models we intend to hire." The White House has signed on Miller to secure the votes from the demographic of “spoiled rich white males who like to talk, even when they don’t have anything to say." Rove is also currently negotiating with Brittany Spears because “whoa!!! I think you understand why."
Dennis Miller, who was visibly excited by the prospect of working again, stated “Not only are the Bush policies a joke, the entire organization is full of very funny people.” Miller continued, “off-camera Rumsfeld is hilarious, the funniest thing about him is that he actually believes some of the stuff he says on-camera." Cheney, “he’s a real joker” he told me this one about a “Penguin whose car breaks down. He takes the car to these two monkeys…”
Dennis Miller who “always follows the winner” started out supporting Gore. However, Miller’s complete lack of a moral compass and an “overwhelming sense of faux-patriotism” attracted him to the Bush machine. Al Franken, one of Miller’s contemporaries on ‘Saturday Night Live’ was “very disappointed to see Miller join the Dark Side”. Franken has also become involved in politics. Franken recently published a book titled "Lies and the Lying Liars who Tell Them…A Fair and Balanced look at the Right."
Not only are Miller and Franken at opposite ends of the political spectrum, Miller whines “the difference between me and Franken is, Franken is still funny."
Miller states that the most difficult part of the transition from comedian to White House Staffer will be to come up with new material. Dennis lamented “the staffers here at the White House have already taken most of the good stuff.” They have already “named a bill that increases air pollution ‘Clear Skies’ and they named the legislation that allows big timber companies the right to decimate our wilderness ‘Future Forests.' Miller continued, “These guys are such kidders they even named a law that takes away our freedom, “The Patriot Act."
Miller believes that he will have to work overtime to come up with anything that “even comes close” to the genius of calling a tax cut for the wealthy ‘The Jobs and Growth Initiative.' Miller intends to assist in the seventeenth and most recent re-marketing campaign of the “reason we invaded Iraq." Miller says “Karl Rove won’t let me say it’s for oil. Now I don’t know what I’m going to do."
President Bush welcomed Miller to the marketing team and commented “This job of President is so great. I get to meet all these famous people." They also “give me this great big airplane to fly around in." “Please wave the flag and vote for me.”
David Monroe, M.D.
A BUZZFLASH READER SATIRE
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Also see:
"Miller Emerges as New Voice for Bush Re-Election" [LINK]
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