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Early Morning Jokes for March 26 -- Tony Peyser

Submitted by BuzzFlash on Wed, 03/26/2008 - 11:21am. Tony Peyser

From 1994-1997, I drew daily cartoons for Laugh Lines, the L.A. Times' humor page. I also wrote topical jokes every day. Even though the WGA strike has been settled, the strike was the inspiration for Early Morning Jokes, like the Iran hostage crisis was for "Nightline" but with better hair. Yes, even though the late-night writers are back, there's plenty of room to stake out a different time of day to call my own.

Welcome to ...

Early Morning Jokes
by Tony Peyser

At this year's White House Easter egg roll, Jenna Bush selected children from the audience to act out "Where the Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak. She encouraged them to roll their eyes and gnash their teeth -- which is pretty much what millions of Americans have done since her dad took office in 2001.

Speaking of President Bush, he argues that 4,000 U.S. deaths in Iraq "have laid foundations for peace." He may not be aware that another option is available that doesn't cost thousands of lives and trillions of dollars: it's called "diplomacy."

Considering problems in Tibet and China's shoddy merchandise all over the U.S. market, these Olympics should really be stopped. Where's that guy who stood in front of those tanks when you need him?

James Carville won't apologize for calling Bill Richardson "Judas" for switching from Clinton to Obama. I don't have the heart to tell Carville that Richardson also just switched from coffee to Sanka.

Hillary says she "misspoke" when she claimed being under sniper fire while visiting Bosnia in 1996. The only sniper fire she's ever been under was recently caused by remarks about being under sniper fire when she visited Bosnia in 1996.

Mexico is the second fattest country, on target to surpass the U.S. as the world's fattest country. In related news, a new plan to keep illegals out is to put Curves and Jenny Craig franchises all across our Southern border.

Online DVD rental leader Netflix Inc. recently suffered a technology breakdown that knocked out its Web site, inconveniencing its 7.5 million subscribers. Instead of mailing DVDs, the company sent staffers to subscribers' homes to act out recent movies.

British pop star George Michael is making his first tour of the United States and Canada in 17 years. Cities he's set to perform in include Los Angeles, New York, and Boston and opening acts include Sen. Larry Craig.

Tony Peyser provides daily poems and weekly cartoons for BuzzFlash and also wrote the BuzzFlash column, "Blue State Jukebox." He was a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can e-mail Tony at tonypeyser@yahoo.com.