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Early Morning Jokes for January 14 -- Tony Peyser

Submitted by BuzzFlash on Mon, 01/14/2008 - 11:17am. Tony Peyser

From 1994-1997, I drew daily cartoons for Laugh Lines, the L.A. Times' humor page. I also wrote topical jokes every day. Since the WGA is now on strike, there will be no new jokes from the likes of Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert. (David Letterman and Craig Ferguson have side agreements with the Writers Guild.) Since they've cornered the late-night market, I've decided to stake out a different time of day to call my own.

Welcome to ...

Early Morning Jokes
by Tony Peyser

President Bush claims Iran threatens global security and the world must join together to confront them before they remain peaceful and ruin his whole friggin' legacy.

Dick Cheney hasn't been seen in public in months. Sources close to the Vice President say the right-leaning Walt Disney Company wants to hire him for an upcoming Muppet TV special tentatively titled "There's No Place Like Secure, Undisclosed Locations."

Blackwater immediately repaired and repainted trucks used in the 2007 Baghdad shooting that left 17 Iraqis dead, making it difficult to determine if enemy gunfire provoked the now infamous attack. Blackwater chief executive Erik Prince said, "The only thing we did wrong was not kill all the eyewitnesses and every relative of the victims. For that, I apologize to all my stockholders."

First-time mom Nicole Richie had a baby that weighed more at birth than the scrawny socialite has since 1998.

Twins in England who were separated at birth got married without knowing they were brother and sister. In America, there's a name for people like this: Huckabee supporters.

Race is an increasingly big issue now that the campaigns are out of mostly white Iowa and New Hampshire. A recent photo of Hillary in South Carolina had her surrounded by black men. It looked like a scene from "Mandingo: The Later Years."

Jenna Bush visited Peru on behalf of a UN program for children's assistance. Asked by a local reporter what she knew about the South American nation, Jenna admitted, "Only that my Dad used to do a lot of blow from here."

On Saturday, 900 New Yorkers stripped down to their underwear for the 7th Annual No Pants Subway Ride. In related news, GOP Sen. Larry Craig fired three staffers for not telling him in advance about the event.

Tony Peyser provides daily poems and weekly cartoons for BuzzFlash and also wrote the BuzzFlash column, "Blue State Jukebox." He was a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can e-mail Tony at tonypeyser@yahoo.com.

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