Whenever I ponder the GOP's modus operandi, naturally all kinds of associational bells with organized crime go off, which, thanks to A&E network, further put me in mind of the latter's more thoughtfully expressed management principles. 

To wit, CEO Tony Soprano's sage advice to a young, violently impetuous junior executive: "You've got to exercise impulse control." What fitting counsel, I thought, upon reading Politico.com's piece [1], "GOP ready to link Obama with Reid, Pelosi."

Come on, guys. It's all about control -- self-control. And right now, you're letting your anger get the better of you. It's unseemly, it's unprofessional, and your street cred is suffering.

I mean, face it, boys: In your sullenness at having squandered the greatest political opportunity since the New Deal, the best you can do in your thrashing about for a comeback is to link Barack Obama with the vaguely anonymous likes of Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?

I suspect you already know it, boys, but that's a clumsy tactic born of vindictive impulse, and about as foolishly 'Inside Politics' as one can get. The average voter has no more familiarity with the Senate majority leader or speaker of the House than he does with string theory, differential calculus or the cellular structure of an anteater's liver, assuming anteaters have livers.

Nonetheless, reported the Politico, you Congressional Republicans have unartfully decided to "begin [using] 'Pelosi-Reid-Obama' in the all-in-the-same-breath way that Democrats now use 'Bush-McCain.'"

Uh, fellas, or should I address you as good fellas, Democrats use "Bush-McCain" because the first of that coupling resonates with profound negativity even among the lowest-information Joe Sixpacks. Your verbal scheme, however, will inspire nothing but bewilderment: Who-Who-Obama?

But the really amusing part of this? The Why-does-some-clown-always-fail-to-read-the-memo part. Again, I quote the Politico: "The attack on Obama and the Democratic leadership comes as some of the more partisan members of the House GOP ... agitate for more aggressive attacks on the Democrats. In a preview, one GOP aide declared: 'By November, every American voter will know the name of Charlie Rangel the way they knew Tom DeLay in 2006. Count on it.'"

Charlie Rangel? We thought it was Reid-Pelosi. So is it Rangel-Obama? Or is it Rangel-Reid-Obama? Or Rangel-Reid-Pelosi-Obama? Say, that last one rolls right off the tongue. But whatever it is, dear GOP leadership, the least you could do is first advise your own troops.

Lord, it just doesn't get any more Keystone Kopish or 'Mafia! Part Deux' than that.

In a related story [2] on the GOP's pandemic paranoia, the Politico noted that "two months of the five-month general election campaign are gone, and the McCain campaign ... [is] still searching for an effective formula for countering Obama’s appealing personality and fearsome political machine.... McCain's aides recognize that the race is becoming centered on Obama, and hope to leverage that dynamic by bolstering their assault on the Democratic nominee-in-waiting."

In McCain's case, so far, he is opting out of the verbal bewilderment of "Reid-Pelosi-Obama" and going in, instead, for outright, on-air fabrications, such as that latest doggerel about Obama's selfish disdain for our troops. Distortions in negative advertising are, of course, to be expected, but at least an occasional fact floating somewhere in its fray is customarily expected as well.

The ultimate point of these critiques isn't to merely revel in the GOP's manifest freefall, although that in itself is enjoyable indeed. No, the point -- and here, I kid you not -- is to be helpful, not for the GOP's sake, but for the progressive opposition's.

Everyone likes to see their political enemies in disarray and bloodied, if not put in the figurative morgue. But in a two-party system, both contestants must remain vital for the benefit of each other's health. One-party hegemony breeds corruption, internal sloth and fatal overconfidence. Of that, the last few GOP years are all the evidence that's needed.

And right now, the GOP is doing everything within its incompetent power to guarantee Democratic hegemony. A solid majority would be nice, arm-in-arm with a progressive president, but in time the GOP's self-destruction would be catastrophic to liberal interests.

Having said that, here's the helpful part, directed straight at the GOP leadership: Give up this silly Obama-San-Francisco-liberalism nonsense and decide instead what you stand for. You have an exceptionally difficult task ahead of you -- overcoming a national spendthrift reputation and the global blight of the neocon Bushalleros -- but you won't accomplish it through the adolescent belittlement of Obama, or Reid, or Pelosi, or any combination thereof.

Today, no one knows what you stand for, including yourselves -- except for that thuggish lack of impulse control. Get a grip.

Please respond to P.M.'s commentary by leaving comments below and sharing them with the BuzzFlash community. For personal questions or comments you can contact him at fifthcolumnistmail@gmail.com> [3]

THE FIFTH COLUMNIST by P.M. Carpenter