From 1994-1997, I drew daily cartoons for Laugh Lines, the L.A. Times' humor page. I also wrote topical jokes every day. Since the WGA is now on strike, there will be no new shows from the likes of Jay Leno, David Letterman, Conan O' Brien, Jon Stewart, and Stephen Colbert. Since they've cornered the late-night market, I've decided to stake out a different time of day to call my own.

Welcome to ...

Early Morning Jokes
by Tony Peyser

Months after revelations about their affair damaged his political standing and her broadcasting career, Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa and television news reporter Mirthala Salinas have ended their relationship. Villaraigosa said he wants to put this matter behind him and spend time with his kids before embarking on his next self-destructive, reckless, Bill Clinton-esque fling with a hottie he hasn't met yet.

Richard Roberts, the embattled president of Oral Roberts University and the son of its namesake evangelist founder, stepped down last Friday because of allegations of lavish spending. The final straw was when God saw his missing pearly gates being sold on eBay by Roberts' wife, Lindsay.

It is just me or does Pervez Musharraf look a little like ... Alberto Gonzales? Maybe it's because of their retro, quasi-Beatle haircuts. In any event, they'll both be soon updating their Monster.com resumes.

In a new level of political deception, we're learning that some contractors got deals in Afghanistan and Iraq without ever being identified. So, we've now got no-bid contracts by no-name companies who surely have no-blame clauses to keep them from serving no-time at all in jail.

Trent Lott will resign by the end of the year. The soon to be former Senator from Mississippi said he wanted to spend more time with his racially insensitive lawn jockeys.

In their latest tussle with the White House on the Iraq war, two leading House Democrats argue that the Pentagon is using scare tactics to try and force Congress into passing another war spending bill. A Pentagon spokesman said, "Reckless accusations such as this one are total lies and -- LOOK OUT FOR THAT SPEEDING TRUCK!"

Mitt Romney -- trying to play the victim card -- hired his own people to make anti-Mormon calls to get sympathy from potential voters. Mitt, that's a good, sneaky idea. But next time, try to find folks to do this that don't have pro-Mormon leanings. Next you'll say that the evil genius behind all of this is Ritt Momney.

Indicted Orange County, California Sheriff Mike Carona has an association with a mobbed up strip club owner now serving time for racketeering. Carona's Web site also lists an endorsement from ex-New York City Police Commissioner Bernard Kerik. You don't need Match.com to know that Carona & Kerik have 29 levels of compatibility.

And finally: the 80-year-old leader of a suburban Atlanta megachurch is at the center of an astonishing sex scandal: He slept with his brother's wife and fathered a child by her. Ladies: if a man of the cloth promises you salvation, just say the only thing you'll open your mouth for is ... a wafer.

Tony Peyser provides daily poems and weekly cartoons for BuzzFlash and also writes the BuzzFlash column, "Blue State Jukebox." He was a daily cartoonist for the L.A. Times from 1994 to 1997. You can e-mail Tony at tonypeyser@yahoo.com.

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