A BUZZFLASH NEWS ANALYSIS
Publicity experts are predicting that Paris Hilton's pending 45-day jail sentence will actually increase her popularity. [1] With a new all-time low approval rating of 28%, [2] who could learn from Hilton more than her intellectual equal, George Bush?
Bush and Hilton have a lot in common. Both are spoiled brats who rose to infamy solely through the work of their fathers. Both stay blissfully ignorant of any responsibility ("I just sign what people tell me to sign," Hilton testified). And, most importantly, both are demonstrated criminals.
It sure doesn't seem fair that Bush gets to sip tea [3] with the Queen (complete with embarrassing gaffe [4]) while a teary [5] Hilton is forced to take a final shopping trip [6] with her mom before going to the slammer. [7]
Bush may not think he wants to go to jail, but it would be a great career move. After his draft dodging, cheerleading past, jail would certainly give him the street cred [8] he needs to advocate sending other peoples' children to war.
If things get too boring for Bush he could always get himself transferred to the Indiana prison where the recent riot [8] took place, which is conveniently being overseen by his old crony, Gov. Mitch Daniels. Any attempt at a pardon would probably just result in the inadvertent release of the other George W. Bush [9], an African-American inmate currently in an Arkansas federal prison through 2011.
Hopefully Bush isn't still bitter at Hilton after "The Simple Life" got higher ratings [10] than his exclusive ABC interview in 2003. After all, they would make splendid cellmates. . . just as long as no one brings a video camera.
A BUZZFLASH NEWS ANALYSIS
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