The American Electorate: From Dingbats to Dingoes

Ivan Pavlov himself could not have been more pleased with the latest polls.

One really can ring a bell, any old bell, and then watch the mangy mutts come running. It's dinner time, you conditioned creatures you, so come and lap it up.

They promptly did.

In the same metaphorical vein I figure Aristophanes would be pretty pleased with himself right now, too, since it was 2,500 years ago, in what was only a budding democracy, that he accurately foresaw the conditioning presence of demagogic mongrel behavior:

Which is just what John McCain and Sarah Palin and all the assorted little McCain-Palins did last week at the Republican convention. They said gather 'round, listen up, and be attentive. And then they barked, and barked … and barked. And what they said was this:

Nothing. Absolutely nothing -- other than what they promised through omission, which is more deficits, more war and the same failing economy.

Yet what did they reap from this barking silence? Why of course …

"John McCain has overtaken Barack Obama in the Gallup daily tracking poll and has his highest level of support in that poll since early May," reports the Politico. "McCain leads Obama 48 percent to 45 percent among registered voters, by Gallup’s measure."

It wasn't just Gallup locating and measuring this national dementia. Rasmussen, too, found McCain picking up steam enough to now tie Obama, as did a CBS News poll.

And then, late yesterday, came the latest poll from Washington Post-ABC News, conducted Friday through Sunday, well after the (Know)Nothing convention had concluded:

"Among all registered voters, the contest is now basically deadlocked -- 47 percent for Obama, 46 percent for McCain. It is also about even among those who say they are most likely to vote -- 49 percent for McCain, 47 percent for Obama."

But wait. At this point I should correct myself about that nothing business, for surely there was something that precipitated this buffoonish turn of events. And indeed there was.

Beneath its shell there was still nothing, of course, but competent strategic wizards can work imaginary wonders with nothing. And what they conjured up for McCain last week was a mesmerizing display of swindling shamanism -- McCain's smoke-and-mirror hocus-pocus about "Change Is Coming" upon the Maverick's Resurrection.

Move over, Jesus, 'cause there's a new revolutionary kid in town, and he's packing a hot lady who is one of yours.

I have to confess. When the statistical democratic response to all that voodoo began spilling out, I hung not my head in shame. No, I found it quite amusing instead, because the Pavlovian dogs of democracy had performed so well.

"The new message," reported the Post -- and you've got to love that piece of conveyed voodoo by itself; the new message -- "had the intended effect: Only four in 10 voters in the new poll said Obama has done enough to explain the 'change' he promises; that's down six points from before his convention."

Even more amusing than that? Get this: "McCain's gains stem from his improved standing against Obama on the election's core issues." That, from the most issue-AWOL political convention ever held.

The specifics get even better. "On the dominant issue of the election, the economy, McCain has whittled Obama's advantage to a mere five points…. McCain has also drawn even with Obama on energy policy and has sharply narrowed Obama's lead on dealing with the federal deficit and handling social issues such as abortion and gay civil unions."

Oh stop, stop reading, I thought to myself. I'm killing myself here. I was in absolute stitches. The circus had come to town and the shamanistic clowns, in top form, had their electoral dogs, in top form, jumping through all the hilariously staged hoops.

Yes, I know, the intoxicating effect of so much comedy packed into a mere three days will wear off and these numbers won't hold and in a week or two we'll regain partial sanity and be back where we started, with Obama just a few points ahead, which in itself is a source of amusing bafflement, considering the clowns he's up against, and I hate for sentences to run on this long, but this one's length strikes me as yet another fitting metaphor for this seemingly endless presidential campaign that should have been decided in spirit months ago.