April 18, 2006
Would Someone Explain to Rumsfeld the Difference Between a Bowel Movement and Utter Failure?
A BUZZFLASH NEWS ANALYSIS
Perhaps the saddest, most mournful -- but drollest -- headline we saw yesterday was this one: "Rumsfeld Says of Latest Flap, 'This Too Will Pass.'"
Message to Mr. Master of the Universe: We are not talking about a bowel movement here. We are talking about thousands upon thousands of lives lost, thousands more wounded, billions of dollars of our money spent wastefully, and a military that thinks you don't know what the Hell you are doing -- along with the blessed ignorance of Bush and Cheney.
No, Donald, this too will NOT pass. It's called incompetence, arrogance, and abysmal, utter failure.
Our second favorite headline of recent days was, "Pentagon Fights Back." Excuse us, but who is the enemy? Us?
And any current members of the military brass HAVE to speak out in support of the civilian chain of command, otherwise they will be dismissed from command or demoted. But why is Rumsfeld fighting back against Iraq combat-experienced generals? Shouldn't he be fighting whoever the enemy is in Iraq, which is just about everyone there now except the Chalabi clan?
Our third favorite headline of recent days was winner of the understatement of the decade award: "Rumsfeld May be Permanently Tainted by Iraq War." The people who have been killed in Rumsfeld's folly don't have the luxury of being tainted; they are too dead for that. We think instead of Rumsfeld being "permanently tainted," he should be tried, convicted, and sentenced for war crimes and crimes against the nation.
Maybe we could have a split-screen trial with Saddam's courtroom drama on one side and Rummy's on the other, since Saddam and Rummy used to be such good buddies when Rummy was helping to arm Saddam to fight Iran.
Oh, it all gets just SO confusing. We mean, who are our friends and who are our enemies? You need a score card to keep it straight.
But, as for Rummy, he should reserve his "fighting back" statements and press conference bowel movements for the front lines, where he should spend a few months of rotation with our men and women doing the dying. And he should take Bush and Cheney with him, since they've never fought in a war either.
Then the issue is not one of being "tainted"; it's one of just staying alive.
A BUZZFLASH NEWS ANALYSIS
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