February 11, 2003 | Update February 14, 2003
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Come Clean About that Boil on the Butt, Rush! BuzzFlash Issues a Hemmorhoidal Challenge to the Oink-Oink Man!
A BUZZFLASH NEWS ANALYSIS
The Bush Cartel Chicken Hawks are all in a dither: France and Germany have come up with a plan to deploy U.N. forces in Iraq. Why does this upset them so? Because in the Bush Orwellian world, the biggest threat to war is peace! And, of course, if U.N. forces are deployed in Iraq, the Bush Cartel won't be able to seize the Iraqi oil fields.
You might be wondering how this relates to the good old pig boy, Rush Limbaugh. Well, as we have noted many a time (as early as May of 2001, http://www.buzzflash.com/editorial/2001/05/121501_Cowardly_GOP.html), with the exception of Colin Powell, the Bush Cartel hawks thirsting for war never served in combat. In fact, most of them ran like a yellow streak from serving in Vietnam, including the Dim Son and his royal court mentor, Dick "Battery- Operated" Cheney. (For the full line-up of the bloodthirsty Bush Cartel Chicken Hawks, see http://www.nhgazette.com/chickenhawks.html.)
That brings us back to the oink-oink man, Mr. Limbaugh himself.
Rush Limbaugh is still finding it difficult to answer questions about the Vietnam draft. A caller to Limbaugh's show in December tried to get the radio host to acknowledge that he once told listeners that a "pilonidal cyst" kept him from being drafted in the first place. But Limbaugh now claims the story is "just a bunch of Internet B.S."
Here's an excerpt from the December conversation (as transcribed by Scoobie Davis; read Joe Conason's journal to learn more about how "Greg" got through to Rush):
LIMBAUGH: Here's Greg in Orlando Florida. Nice to have you on the program, sir. Welcome.
GREG: Hello.
LIMBAUGH: Yes sir.
GREG: Yes, about John Kerry. I'm not as sure that he's going to be as easy to write off as a garden-variety liberal. Did you see the New Yorker piece on him a couple weeks ago?
LIMBAUGH: Yeah, you mean the one with molasses dripping off of it.
GREG: It started out telling the story of how when Vietnam happened, he went down to the recruiting station and signed up with his two best friends, John J. Pershing III and Fred Smith, the founder of Federal Express. Now that's the kind of gravitas that gave me a chill up my spine. And I'm wondering if in the debates with Bush, he might ask Bush just off-the-cuff "Where were you when you were supposed to have shown up for duty in Mississippi and you didn't show up for that year?" -- in the national guard when he dodged the Vietnam draft. And Rush you never mentioned how you dodged the Vietnam draft.
LIMBAUGH: I didn't.
GREG: Yes, you did. You claimed you had a boil on your butt—
[Limbaugh mutes Greg]
LIMBAUGH: No, you see, that's part of popular mythology that is out there that I have not whined nor complained about, Greg. But that is just a bunch of Internet B.S. and hyperbole. Never happened. Was not the cause, wasn't the case. This business of Bush is a bunch of BS, too. And if John Kerry tries to bring up Vietnam in a debate with George W. Bush, and asks that question, all Bush has got to do is bring up Bill Clinton -- and all he's got to do is give a couple quotes about John Kerry. There's just a story in the paper today, Greg, and I'm sorry, you missed this. I forget who wrote it -- it might have been Tony Blankley's column today. John Kerry said something, "You know, I've learned a lot with my military experience and if you're leading the way and you turn around and the troops aren't behind you, you got a real problem."
Now what he was trying to say is: Bush is trying to take us into areas nobody wants to go, but the answer to the question -- or the question that is: "Oh, Senator, you were commanding officer in Vietnam and you actually turned around and troops weren't there? What kind of commanding officer were you?" We can play this any number of ways you want, Greg, baby. But until you can get your facts straight and stop believing a bunch of Internet B.S. and hyperbole, you guys are -- You see, this is exactly what they have been doing for fourteen years, my friends. And we haven’t been complaining about it -- we haven’t been whining about it. And not one thing he said has anything to do with the ideas that are important to the American people today. It isn't about personalities, Greg. Although if it were, you'd definitely be climbing out of a hole that you've just dug for yourself. Judy in Chicago, you're next. Welcome...
Snopes.com, which analyzes whether or not a story is urban myth or the truth, explains how all evidence points to the fact that Limbaugh's initial draft deferment was due to a pilonidal cyst – which was likely diagnosed by his own doctor, not an Armed Services physician (lucky Rush!). (Read the full story here: http://www.snopes.com/military/limbaugh.htm.)
BuzzFlash issues this challenge to Rush Limbaugh: Come clean about that boil on the butt, Rush! Let's see Limbaugh swear on a bible that the pilonidal cyst account is not true.
Hey, Rush! Take the BuzzFlash challenge! Did you try to get out of serving in Vietnam because you had anal cysts?
Yes or no! We won't have any parsing of English here! No, sirree Rush! Just the plain old truth sworn "so-help-me-God" style on a stack of bibles.
A BUZZFLASH NEWS ANALYSIS
BuzzFlash note: While we await a response from Rush about his hemorrhoids being the reason he was given 1-Y (4-F) status, you might be interested in learning more about the Rush Limbaugh sponsor boycott. For more information, go to: http://www.takebackthemedia.com/rushbusted.html.
A BUZZFLASH NEWS ANALYSIS
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Hi, guys,
First of all, keep up the good work! Buzzflash is a wonderful site. If I ever recover from the Bush "recovery," I'll be sure to send a contribution.
Second, if we're going to give Rush the hard time he deserves about his deferment, let's get the proctology right. A pilonidal cyst is not the same condition as hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are essentially varicose veins in the anus. They can be debilitatingly painful, but also can be remedied through surgery and changes in diet and toileting habits. (My late father, a proctologist, had great success with his post-surgical patients in the 1930s and '40s by putting them on high-fiber diets and regular doses of psyllium seed husks; it was considered quackery then, but is the standard treatment now.) A pilonidal cyst, on the other hand, is a cyst or abscess at the base of the spine (bottom of the tailbone) that may be caused by an ingrown hair. ("Pilonidal" means "nest of hair.) Pilonidal cysts must be drained in order for the infection to go away -- antibiotics will not cure them. They take from three to six weeks to heal following surgery and must be monitored closely by a doctor to make sure the infection does not recur. (See: www.emedicine.com/aaem/topic350.htm)
What is *not* clear to me is why a pilonidal cyst would get Rush a 4-F. According to www.emedicine.com/aaem/topic350.htm, "During World War II, more than 80,000 soldiers developed pilonidal cysts that required a hospital stay. People thought the cysts were due to irritation from riding in bumpy Jeeps. For a while, it was actually called 'Jeep disease.'"
So, why could Rush not have had surgery and *then* be sent to Vietnam after he recovered?
Any ideas as to why Rush's cyst would have entailed a deferment? Other than preferential treatment, that is?
BJ Rogers
A BuzzFlash Reader
